Articles and Stories
by Kristen Houghton             

                        
Read Kristen Houghton's exclusive interview with Deana Martin, daughter of the legendary Dean, at Examiner.com



Articles:

The Ever Elusive State of Happiness
Are you happy? Me either. The intangible state of simply being happy is hard to find and there are no maps or GPS trackers to help us
chart a course. Maybe our individual relationship with happiness is more complex than we realize. Or maybe we suffer from the
Goldilocks syndrome...we can't be happy until everything is "just right."
 read more...


Body, Mind, and Soul

I was, as my doctor bluntly put it, a “living disaster,” but thank God, I did not have any major illness. What I had, she
said, were the very visible and real physical effects of unremitting tension. But when I asked her what I could do about it
the only answer I got was,

“Change your lifestyle!” She then gave me the name of a holistic yoga instructor.

Wishing the doctor had given me a miracle “feel-better” pill instead, I went to see this person.
read more...


Panti-less in NYC      (new!)

My doctor's instructions were succinct and to the point, "Wear a skirt and stop wearing panties." ... read more...


Does Your Man Think Your Best Friend is Hot? Steak vs Hamburger

Paul Newman coined the ultimate phrase for the reason to be in a monogamous relationship:

"Why should I go out for hamburger when I have steak at home?"

So if your monogamous man thinks
you're steak, why does he think your best friend is hot? Is hamburger
more appealing?
...read more...


Let's Talk About Sex, Gender That Is

Ready to sign the deed to our new house I found that, according to the law, I was my husband's    
possession. Our deed stated:

“...said property to be owned by (my husband's
full name) and Kristen, his wife.”

As far as I was concerned it may as well have said “…and Lassie, his dog,…
.read more...


Humor: Life and Other Fearless Adventures!

No Woman Diets Alone-There's Always a Man Behind Her Eating a Donut!

It’s difficult to lose weight when you’re around a man who is exactly the same weight, give or take two pounds, as he was in college. A
man who can put his jeans on over a pair of sweat pants and not look like the Michelin tire man, a man who can skip lunch for a week
and lose five pounds; a man with the highest metabolism I know. A man who is trying to save the diet junkies of the world one dieter at
a time.

And, of course, I, the perpetual dieter, am married to him.
read more...

Hot Bod in the Bikini

Now believe me, I would love to put on a teenie-weenie something or other where I don’t have to suck in my stomach ‘til I feel as if my
organs are pressing out through my spine. One where I am not required to conveniently hold a towel or other beach-y item in front of
me for jiggle camouflage when walking on the sand. But I don't think just eating slimy yogurt will make it happen.
read more...

Credit Cards and Other Close Relationships

If you have ever tried to cancel a credit card, you know that it is similar to trying to end a non-
existent relationship with a dorky guy you met on vacation and to whom, in a moment of sympathetic
stupidity, you gave your cell phone number...
read more...


The Greying of the Pubis

One little, grey hair in the "nether" region can be a total reality check to any woman who assumes   
her happy area will never age! Is there any help for this delicate problem in the sweet spot?
 read more...

SEX! MURDER! INFIDELITY!LYING! SURROGACY GONE WRONG!     (new!)    
(and you thought your relationship was bad?)

“What are you reading?” my husband asks, seeing me deeply engrossed in the same book for two nights straight.   
“It must be good.”

Oh it is, I tell him. It's a best seller! Sex, murder, war, infidelity, etc, etc.

“And the author is?” he questions, coming to look over my shoulder.

“God.” I answer.
 read more...

Please! Stop the "Mommy Writer" Now!                                                              

I have never been, nor will I ever be a willing member of a small corps of people who laugh at statements like “baby poop,”
or chortle reading about baby boys who spray Mommy’s face with"pee" during a pamper change
. read more...

Your Breasts Are Ten Years Younger Than the Rest of You    
(And Other Things I've Learned From Reality Medical Shows)

Did you know that your breasts are ten years younger than the rest of your body? It makes sense   
since puberty and breasts don’t really show up for at least the first decade of life, more or less...
read more...

Rotating His Socks-A Legal Reason for Divorce?

Of all the reasons women might have for filing for divorce, I will bet no one has ever said they want a divorce because
their husband rotates his socks and underwear. I can just hear Dr. Phil’s reaction if some poor misguided woman on his
show was to cite sock rotation as a reason for divorce

You wan’ a da-vorce for whut? Rotates his socks?!  That’s like sayin’ you’re gettin’ a da-vorce ‘cause Texas
rain is coming ev’ry second Tuesday-it duddin’ make sense! Get over it!"
 read more...

Relationships:

When He Cheats...Coping With Infidelity

Nothing destroys a married relationship more than when a spouse cheats. Many issues are affected in the relationship, the
least of which is trust. The self-esteem of the hurt spouse  is shattered, the love that binds two people together is permanently   
maimed, and the idea of continuing to live together in the same house becomes a nightmare.
read more...

Where Are You Going Mommy? Dating as a Single Parent

If you are the single mom of a young child the idea of dating can become a major issue. You feel, and rightly so,   
that your first responsibility is to your child. That goes without saying. But while the wonders of parenthood are  
great, you still have a need to meet, and spend time with, an adult member of the opposite sex.
read more...



____________________________________________________________________________
Stories:

STOLEN PROPERTY-A Collection of Nice Little Horror Stories

"Remember Hetty?"  
(new!)    originally published in MUSED Literary Magazine 2007

We always need someone to remember the past with us......don't we?
read more


The Poet Tree   

Apogee of the Moon
"The apparition appeared to me
at the Apogee of the Moon..."
read more...

THEY Said!
"As she was born someone said,
Place a garland ‘round her head..."
read more...



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