Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen has reignited a "moms-vs-moms" war when she responded to Mitt Romney's comment that he depends on "his wife" (what's her name Mitt?), to alert him to the economic concerns of women around the country. Her statement that Ann (see Mitt? your wife does have a name!), who raised five now-grown sons, basically has no idea about the economical concerns of the average woman because Ann Romney had "never worked a day in her life" added fuel to a firestorm pitting woman against woman yet once again.

Retro to Hillary Rodham Clinton's 1992 remark that made stay-at-home moms everywhere see red. Defending her stance as a woman who enjoyed using her education she said that instead of working as a lawyer, she "could have stayed home and baked cookies." I have to say her remark resonated with this writer in a positive way; when questioned by anyone why I was choosing to be a working woman and not a "homemaker" my stock answer was always, "I'm not a cookie-baker." The fact that I can’t actually bake anything has nothing to do with it.

In all seriousness though, we have to understand the truth of Rosen’s remark. While Ann Romney may very well have raised five sons and, it is conceded that the task is a tremendous amount of work, the statement was truly taken out of context or simply perverted by certain groups as a comment against the American tradition of “Mom and apple pie.” It isn’t that Ann Romney didn’t work; it’s the fact that she never had to support or help support a family that included one, two, or five sons or daughters, by actually working for money. She was never at the check-out counter of her local grocery store worrying about whether she had enough money for the essentials in her cart. Ann Romney never came home from a full-time job outside the home to a second full-time job of keeping a home and raising children. The lady never had to suffer the complete exhaustion many moms face by being both a full-time mom and a woman who has to please her boss to keep her job. She never went to work ill and feeling miserable, not daring to take a day off, because she needed to save her sick days in case one of her children got sick.

The hard facts are that Ann Romney is as out of touch with the cold reality of what the average woman sees economically as a cloistered nun is about sexual pleasures. She may be, and I’m sure she is, a wonderful woman and mother but please be realistic; Ann Romney is not the average American woman. Let’s not forget for one moment that she is now, and has been for over 40 years, married to wealth. She is not counting pennies here nor is she looking for paid work to augment the family income. Her economic life is safe and secure; her children have trust funds. The average woman? Absolutely not.

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Your color scheme is set and the attendants’ gowns are gorgeous. You may be dreaming of your beautiful wedding gown and the lovely slow walk down the aisle. Or perhaps you’ve decided to have a perfect ceremony on the beach of an exotic island.

The reception place is booked, the flowers and favors ordered, the menu confirmed, and the honeymoon destination set. Everything, every single detail has been seen to and you’re ready. Add to this the fact that “you’re so completely in love” so that all you can focus on is the wedding day itself.

You’re all ready for your wedding; but, are you ready for marriage? The “M” word is something that many couples don’t really consider until after the honeymoon. With all the dizzying preparations surrounding the planning and executing of a wedding, the reality of married life takes a back seat. Sometimes its “seat” is so far in the recesses of your mind that you find you and your partner have prepared for everything, down to the minutest detail, except the actual marriage itself.

So how do you know you’re ready for marriage? The first question to ask yourself is a very practical one; what is each person bringing to the marriage table. Cold and calculating as this seems, it is a very necessary question. Does this sound more like a business deal and less like a marriage to you? In a way it is. Let’s take finances first.

You should, (it is your absolute right), be very aware of what amount of financial security each one of you is going to contribute to the marriage. Talk real dollars and cents and don’t give, or accept, abstract statements about money. It will only cause trouble later on. What is your net salary? What is your spouse’s net salary? How will bills be paid? Will there be a joint household account? Are you keeping separate saving or checking accounts? My personal experience and the advice of many marriage experts is for each spouse to have a joint household account as well as personal separate ones.

These are questions that need to be answered. You’re not being “nosey,” this is a partnership. No savvy business person would go into a partnership where money, including the inflow and outflow of cash, wasn’t discussed at length. It would be too risky and not financially sound. It’s the same in a marriage.

If your spouse is finishing education, will you be the sole support of the household while your husband or wife is getting a degree? If so, how will money be handled for the both of you when there is only one paycheck. What benefits will you receive as a result of having supported him or her during this time? If you wanted to return to school at a later date and start another career, would your spouse be willing to do the same for you?

Hard questions, yes, but they’re not heartless. Both partners need to know that they can expect to receive the same consideration in crucial areas as they are willing to give. Asking these questions outright can save marital problems later on and help you begin your married life with vital communication.

If both partners are working, the question of household chores is sure to rear its ugly head. Exhausting days at work can lead to short tempers and resentment at home if one spouse feels he or she is “coming home to a second job.”

Divvying up chores needn’t be gender specific, either. If cooking a meal every night is not your cup of tea, while he fancies himself a gourmet chef, then by all means he could do the majority of the cooking. Offer to cook at least two nights a week, though, while he takes a break. If neither one of you wants to be the chief chef, then takes turns preparing meals.

This works for laundry, taking out the garbage, and cleaning. Talk about how you can divide and conquer the chores. No one person wants to feel like a drudge with all work left for him or her. Being female doesn’t automatically make you domestic and being male doesn’t mean you’re the knowledgeable ready handyman.

We don’t tend to think about health issues when we’re newlyweds but this is an area where knowing ahead of time can literally save your life. What type of health benefits do you have? Who has the primary insurance? Should we pay for short term and long term disability? Know where all papers for insurance are kept and carry your health insurance cards, both of you, at all times.

Future goals are something we think about but don’t always vocalize to our spouse. What do you see yourself doing in the future? Is there a career you’d like to pursue one day? Where do you really want to live? Talk openly and often about this topic and make plans. Most of us expect our spouses to literally read our minds. Even psychics need to discuss goals with their spouses!

Sexuality is something that we think will take care of itself. We’re in love, we are active in the bedroom, what can change that? Plenty! Discuss your needs and desires with your mate. Do not hold back. This is a delicate area but it is essential that you both know what the other wants, needs, and expects.

Lastly, talk about having, or not having, children. What are your true feelings about being a parent? If you don’t want children and your spouse does, don’t think for one minute that “it will all work out someday.” It won’t, and it could destroy your marriage.

These talks about your married life should take place well before your big day and just talking once won’t do. Make communication an additional “vow” you take.

Before you say “I Do” be absolutely certain you and your spouse are both mature enough to know what marriage is all about. Plan for your married life with the same meticulous care you take for that beautiful wedding! The wedding is only one day, the marriage should last a lot longer.

Sitting there on my couch, reading about a small town lawyer, the thought that arose unbidden to my mind was that I have been dieting all my life. This had nothing to do with any of Grisham’s characters or the story itself and truthfully I do not know why it happened but it did. Dieting all my life, seriously, and for other people.

Later that day I decided to explore the veracity of this revelation. It was true; I had been dieting throughout all my teen and adult life. My weight, it seemed was never what other people thought it should be. I was always ten to fifteen pounds “off the chart.”

Taking a time-travel journey via pictures on a computer album, the now-adult me could see that I was nowhere near fat or obese, but still the fact remained that I was always in a constant state of denying myself some common eating pleasure. It seemed that I was making amends to the world for having the audacity to have curves. The tennis player who aced games in both high school and college had always been trying to “drop a few” to please someone other than myself.

I'm not a people-pleaser by nature but trying to please others about my weight began my freshman year in high school. My female coach  bemoaned the fact that I had to wear an expensive sports bra to hold my 36 Cs in place when running and bluntly told me that if I only lost about ten pounds I wouldn’t have this “problem.” She was only one of many who seemed fixated on my weight. A ballet teacher told me that female dancers should have a long, lithe, waif-like body and "no full curves". One of my classmates told me how she achieved the desired look our instructor praised so much and tried to introduce me to the eat and purge routine she strictly followed. I refused to do that but did limit my caloric intake drastically for about six months until I was so light-headed I began to stumble when I walked.  These "counselors" were followed by the ob-gyn I started seeing when I was nineteen and in college who told me that if I ever wanted children I should “reduce the weight.”  Heavier women, he solemnly said, have a difficult time getting pregnant. I was 5'5" and weighed 138. (FYI - a friend who weighed in at 182 and is 5'3" has two children and had no problem conceiving either time).

And then of course there were, and are, friends; as a group we seem to be always into the newest diet making the rounds. The latest one being the Dukan made popular by Catherine Middleton and her mother just before the royal wedding last Spring. I am in a size 10; why did I think I needed to be in a 6? (Forget the 0; that, thankfully was never a goal for this writer).

At work, with friends, there's always someone who is dieting and it is sad. Somehow we feel we have to compete with them or they might look askance at our weight. The countless hours I spent on weight-loss remedies could have been better spent doing something more profitable.

Society,( the gorgeous Brooke Elliott in Drop Dead Diva or the curvy Sophia Vergara of Modern Family notwithstanding), doesn’t make it easy for any woman who cannot get herself  into a size two and under. Our bodies have been starved, exercised to exhaustion, drugged, purged, and constantly self-criticized for not being the right weight. The saddest part is that we’ve done this to ourselves. We’ve allowed ourselves to be brainwashed with what is supposed to be the correct weight. These are our bodies; why do we listen to the “wisdom” of others? Putting aside true obesity, what is the correct weight? Yes, I know it’s supposed to be a combo of your height, bone structure, and BMI, but that doesn’t always hold true. The same weight looks different on every individual. A weight that makes one person look fuller may not have the same look on someone else. We are, after all, individuals and should appreciate who we are but somehow we don't. We find fault with who we are.

And what happens if an assigned weight number from a doctor or, one of the countless weight-loss organizations that abound worldwide, is one that your body just can’t hold? Isn’t it better to be at a weight where you feel good, are able to be active, and can eat normally?

The idea that we should all have a cookie-cutter figure has been around for way too long and we have been programmed to criticize our own bodies if we don’t “fit”. I am still trying to understand the reason for my lifelong dieting obsession but truthfully, simply knowing that I had dieted all my life was a wake-up call for me. I am done with dieting to lose those few pounds and have begun to have a healthy relationship with myself.

No one has the right to say what is good for you no matter how well-meaning they may be. Even doctors need to weigh all the facts concerning a person's health before a judgment is made to blame weight.

The next time someone suggests that you might want to "drop a little", tell them you're healthy, active, and happy and like the way you look. After all, whose weight, (and life), is it anyway? 

I had asked this question at a college where I was a guest speaker on a forum discussing couples and relationships. A young woman in the audience answered my question with a question of her own, “Are you saying some relationships aren’t worth saving?”

The answer is yes and… no. It all comes down to whether you have more positive than negative aspects in that relationship. What exactly is it that you’re trying to salvage and more importantly, is it truly worth the effort?



Think about the word “save”. To save something means that you are trying to salvage what has been damaged or on the brink of loss. When a relationship needs saving, it usually has taken quite a hit and is badly damaged. Whether it is damaged beyond repair is an individual call. You need to know that trying to save a relationship takes just as much time and effort as building one. Begin by asking yourself a very blunt, no-nonsense question: Just how many of my days and nights am I willing to spend to really save and repair what we once had? 



Realistically, if what you once had was a really good situation, a loving relationship that included respect and kindness, then saving it does make sense. Remember that it is a rare couple who has no upsetting problems in their relationship at least once in their lives together. Small damages can be repaired if both partners are willing to work together. And truthfully, that is really the key in this issue; both partners must be committed to make the relationship whole.



Knowing the good you had and desiring to have it again, albeit with a more mature knowledge of each other, is a clear indication that your relationship is important to you and your partner. Working together to rebuild your life is the building block to being successful as a couple. You can overcome the bumps in the road.

But what if your relationship has always been a bit rocky and gotten progressively so as the years have passed? Are you the only partner who wants to save the relationship? That rarely works and most times is a no-win situation. This is especially true if you have a partner involved with substance abuse. Any relationship where abuse is ongoing non-stop or where the other person’s addiction is adversely affecting your life is a relationship you have to think hard and long about saving. If your partner’s drug and alcohol abuse have been escalating to a danger point and he or she refuse to make drastic life changes, are you still willing to still see the relationship as “savable?” To be brutally realistic, in any situation where there is substance abuse, even if your partner is willing to seek help, the road to recovery for any addict is long and emotionally draining. You must decide if you are willing to devote yourself to this recovery process. It is a daunting prospect for any person and you may not want to do it. You are not a “bad” person if you feel you can’t do this; drop the guilt.


Some people hold on to a relationship and a partner out of fear -- fear of being alone, financial fear, and fear of the unknown life outside of being a couple. If any of these are your main reasons for trying to save a partnership that is not healthy or good for you, seek counseling to help you overcome those fears. You need advice on what you can do to transition to a new life. Living with fear and an unhappy relationship will take a tremendous toll on your mental and physical health. 



Not all relationships are worth saving; some have to be dissolved so that people can get on to a new healthier, happier life. The bottom line is how you see the relationship in terms of the positive and negative effects it has on your quality of life. 

No one can tell you what you have to do but here’s one bit of advice: A relationship should enhance your life, not become a second full-time job. Is your relationship worth saving? Only you can be that judge.

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© 2012 Kristen Houghton all rights reserved

This is a sweet, poignant story of two sisters, their interwoven lives, their longings and regrets, but most of all, a story of remembering. The desire to have someone share memories and past moments of our lives with us is a powerful need. Life is made up of remembrances both mundane and life-changing.
Isn't it nice to have someone with whom you can share your memories?

Kirkus Review says:"A short story by phenomenal new writer of the supernatural, Kristen Houghton. This story won the Writers Guild Review Best New Fiction of 2011 award."

The Fiction Writers Journal calls it, "A beautiful read that allows you to see the real joy of humanity and sisterly relationships. Well-written and sweet." 

The other 'block' is not so easy to dislodge; that's the 'stumbling block' writers tend to put in front of major projects by overextending ourselves in the writing arena. I am as gulity of this as anyone else; I love to write and I find myself putting my current book last on my to-do list while I write short stories and articles. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy writing them but the book can only stay on-hold, as it were, for so long. There comes a time when the author must begin to seriously settle down to doing what an author needs to do and concentrate on the book waiting to be finished.

This is what I am doing; I'm steadily working on my book, © 2012 Stolen Property, and setting firm deadlines to finish this book of 20 short horror tales. I will continue to write for two wonderful online magazines, the innovative twodaymag.com and the informative Huffington Post. Those magazines keep my creative juices flowing. Natalie Bencivenga, (twodaymag.com), and Jessica Rotondi, (Huffington Post),  are great people to work with and I enjoy their feedback and friendship.

As for other magazines and news media, if an offer to do a great interview on someone, or a request for a topical article comes up I will do that also as I am a firm believer in seizing the moment to do something new and creative. Writing is an exciting profession and new projects add to a writer's happiness.

To all my readers, many thanks to you for your wonderful support!

My new book, Nourishing Thoughts: The Little Book of Wise Sayings for a Healthy, Happy Life is due for digital release on May 1, 2012.

Practice healthy selfishness with your money.

Every financial expert will tell you: Taking money from your savings to pay a child's student loan is putting your financial future at risk. Don't do it!

When I co-signed a loan for our child's Ph.D. program (over my husband's strenuous objections, I might add), I did not think that I would have to pay it off. But when our graduate-degreed child was unable to get a job and make payments, SallieMae set me straight on that score. I, as the co-signer, was as responsible for payments as the originator of the loan.

My accountant warned me that my credit rating would suffer. If payments weren't made, the co-signer's paycheck was as likely to be garnished as the signer. I was afraid not to pay the loan. With Sallie Mae charging 12.9 percent interest compounded daily, $3,000.00 in interest had already increased the original amount to be paid back.

Times are hard and your heart isn't, but loaning or giving money to relatives in need is a dangerous risk. You may create hard feelings by saying no, but it is the best thing to do for you.

Have a good to excellent long-term disability plan.

As you get older, insurance companies up the ante on long-term disability payments and many women, in an effort to save some money, make the bad decision to drop the plan or go with something much cheaper. You know the saying "You get what you pay for"? Believe every word. Long-term disability insurance should be there to help make sure you are financially secure and safe from debt. Think of it as a financial safety net.

Know exactly where your money goes.

There are days when, because of hectic schedules and deadlines, neither I nor my husband wants to cook. Hello take-out and eat-out. It wasn't just with food either. The constant use of my debit card was too quick and easy a fix for many things. Use cash for most purchases.

Don't assume debt based on a future paycheck.

Online shopping is easy, quick and hassle-free, but it is a future debt that is waiting to be paid. Whenever I would charge something I always figured I could pay it next month. Sometimes a good chunk of my check went to pay that assumed future debt. Think before you click.

Respect money and have a solid plan for any contingencies .

You never know what can happen and you need to have some money set aside for emergency repairs. Begin a small household account for any home repairs or upgrades. Add some money to it every pay period. Never touch savings, IRAs, or retirement money unless there is a dire emergency and absolutely no other resource. Let me be blunt: this is your money, your life, and your future.

I am more conscious about my money and am making important changes to my financial future. from this, and I have found what I feel is one dictum for a happy life:

You can never be too careful with your health or your finances. Keeping them both in good shape creates security.

© 2012 Copyright Kristen Houghton

If you fail to prepare for what you want you are preparing to fail at getting it. A good coach prepares for any and all contingencies and creates a game plan geared to winning. Be your own personal coach and prepare to reap the benefits in 2012!