| The Greying of the Pubis by Kristen Houghton Remember the episode on “Sex in the City” where Samantha found a grey pubic hair? Her reaction was pretty much what most healthy, sexually active women feel when they discover a grey hair in what my grandmother delicately called the “nether-region”-an absolute outrage that the damn ageing process had the nerve to pick that happy area. Isn’t it enough that we have to battle wrinkles, sags, and cellulite as we age? Can’t that part of our anatomy, at least, be left alone? A lot of women have faced or will be facing the irrefutable trauma of greying hair in an area they had hoped to preserve as ever sexy and youthful. It’s different when you find white or grey hairs in your eyebrows or the hair on your head. Those can be dealt with. In fact if you time it right and go to your colorist religiously, you never even have to actually see those hairs. You can pretend they don’t exist at all. Colorists are good at helping us to pretend. My monthly conversation with my colorist goes like this: “See any grey hair in the roots, Patti?” To which she responds, “Nope. Not even one. No grey at all!” I’m happy; she gets a bigger tip. See? Pretending is good for everyone. As for wrinkles, sagging, and cellulite, there are myriad ways to get rid of or camouflage those problems. If you don’t opt for surgery, there are non-invasive lotions and potions galore that are available. But grey pubic hairs? That’s a dilemma. Using commercial hair dye might make you end up with an orange thatch that is reminiscent of a demented clown. Or worse, the over-the-counter chemicals will be too harsh for such a tender area, causing a burn to the skin that has you running to your gynecologist and puts you out of sexual commission for a long time. ("Not tonight, love, I'm..., um...,listen, trust me, it's too complicated to discuss!") Let’s face it, besides shaving or waxing your “nether” completely bald, there’s not a lot you can do. Did our mothers go through this feeling of horror? Were our mothers more accepting of the idea of ageing or did they too see the greying “down there” as the ultimate sign that they were getting old(er). Can we even think to ask Mom about this ancient rite of passage? How would we even begin to ask her? Leave a message on her cell phone? “Mom! Thanks for the birthday present. It’s just what I wanted. By the way, how did you feel when you saw your first grey pubic hair? I really need to know, Mom, thanks. Call me. Bye.” Call her at work? “Hi, Mom! Listen, dinner on Saturday is a definite for us with you and Dad. Oh, and I was wondering something. The first time you found a grey pubic hair, did you feel old and go ballistic? Mom? Mom?! Omigod, Please tell me I’m not on conference call!” Whether or not we can discuss this rite of passage with our mothers, the thought of the greying of the pubis drives us to do crazy things.A friend of mine says that she uses waterproof brown mascara to coat the grey downbelow. She thanks God that weekly Pilates class helps her perform this contortionist beauty ritual. Another has her grey professionally tinted a warm brown the same day she has her eyebrows done. Because the chemicals are used by a professional she has had no "orange" problem or painful skin reaction. My veterinarian got a pinched nerve in her neck while she was using tweezers to pluck, (ouch!), an offending grey hair from the sweet spot. Of course the official story is that she got injured when a super friendly Great Dane jumped on her at work. Many women go for a waxing called the Brazilian which leaves you as hairless as a baby Chihuahua. While the itching from new stubble growth is allegedly not as bad as that from shaving, it’s still a problem. However the waxing aficionados swear that getting wax jobs will eventually remove the hair permanently leaving your "entrance to paradise" itch and grey free. It would be nice if celebrities like Oprah Winfrey or Christie Brinkley would talk about how they get rid of grey pubic hair. They must have encountered this problem, too, don't you think? So until there is an official product that promises to help us with this problem, we will resort to whatever works for us. We’ll have to rely on shaving, waxing, mascara, dyes and tweezing to get rid of the grey. But I still have hope that there will be an alternative to these methods. I know that someone, somewhere, is secretly mixing an elixir of safe natural herbs and plant dyes; one that any woman can easily apply. Working day and night, she will come up with a formula that can be bought in health food stores and which will permanently and forever turn grey pubes into their former rich color. She will need a good name for her product, though, one that will be familiar and easy to remember. I’m thinking maybe…"Grey PubeGone.” Catchy, huh? Home Page Meet Kristen Book Information Articles Media and Links Calendar Publicity Photos Contact Info Content copyright© 2007 by Kristen Houghton. All rights reserved. This material was written by Kristen Houghton and may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed, wholly or in any part, without the expressed written permission of Kristen Houghton. Copyright additionally covers all material written by the author under the name CK Houghton |
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