| Let's Talk About Sex, Gender That Is by Kristen Houghton originally published in Tango: Relationships Magazine July, 2006 The first time I realized that the law still considered a person born of the female gender a form of property was in 1991 when my husband and I were in the process of buying our first home. We were both working at good jobs, both contributing to the down payment required for a mortgage. The bank took both our salaries into consideration for the mortgage. In essence, we were by all accounts and standards equally responsible for the purchase of the house and the ensuing payments to the bank. So far, so good. I never thought about being anyone’s “property.” I was an “independent” married woman, contributing to my marriage in all ways including financially. In our lawyer’s office everything went well until we got to the deed. With one sentence I lost my identity as a paying adult and my last name as far as the law was concerned. I became my husband’s property. It was all stated like this: “...said property to be owned by Alan W. Hopper and Kristen, his wife.” As far as I was concerned it may as well have said: “…and Lassie, his dog,….,or, and Garfield, his cat, …or, and…Ginger, his horse.” It put me on a level with something he owned, treated well, but owned. I didn’t know that deeds were still worded the same as they were back in the day; my grandparents’ day. When my grandmother was a young woman, women didn’t have their own money let alone own property, unless they were heiresses. And even then, the heiresses were required to have male “advisors” who helped them “handle” their own money and property. I objected to the wording, pointing out what I felt was wrong and why. I threw in the part about the dog, cat, and horse to prove my point. My husband and the lawyer, being men, didn’t quite see it the way I did. They thought I was making too much of the legal wording. “It’s archaic.” I said “Most of the legal wording in documents is archaic, Kristen,” said our lawyer Mark. “That’s what makes them so, uh, charming. It doesn’t mean you’re a real possession. It’s just, you know, charming.” “Yeah, honey, listen, it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just the legalese, the way things were written in the past. I don’t possess you, hon. At least not in that way,” Alan says with a wicked little grin. Mark is trying to be matter-of-fact, throwing in the word “charming” as if those who wrote the law really cared about the rights of women. Alan is being sweetly sincere and trying to make me laugh at the absurdity of it all. I, however, am having none of it. Not the “charming” or the “legalese.” It’s wrong and I tell them so. “Re-word it,” I tell Mark. “It’s a legal document! I can’t re-word it.” "Yes, you can. Re-word it. Or I can’t sign it.” “Oh, come on Kristen. I’ve known you for a number of years now. You’re just joking, right?” “Re-word it, Mark. If you really know me, you’ll know I’m not joking.” “But, couldn’t you just…?” “Re-word it.” “Maybe you don’t understand the implications of…” “Re-word it.” I stand up and turn towards the door. “Alan?” Mark looks to my husband for support but Alan throws up his hands. He, at least, knows me. I won’t back down if I think I’m right. Mark excuses himself and goes to ask his senior partner for advice on this matter. His partner, a much older but extremely well-preserved man, returns with Mark. He is tanned, trim, well dressed and is known to be cool and unflappable in the courtroom. He introduces himself as David. Smiling at me he gets right to the point. “Is it because it doesn’t have your name on it, Ms. Houghton? Because the name Houghton isn’t on it. Is that it?” “No, David. That’s not the problem. My legal married name is Hopper.” “Well, then I don’t see a problem. Your name is on the document.” “Only my first name is actually listed on the document. See? '...and Kristen, his wife.' It makes it seem as if I am a possession or an asset.” David gives Mark and Alan a raised eyebrows, conspiratorial male look as if to secretly say, “we’re not actually taking precious time from our busy day to debate this with her, are we, gentlemen?” Mark just smiles but Alan looks at me. He knows I’m on a roll and he is not getting in my way. Besides, I like to think he secretly knows I’m right. “And a lovely asset if I may say so, eh, Alan?” He smiles at my husband. “I want my entire name on the paper.” “Well, Kristen, may I call you Kristen?” I nod assent. “Well, this looks like a game of semantics to me. "You see, technically, if your married name and your first name are both on the paper, then, your entire name is on the paper. Do you get what I’m saying? So, in reality, if both your names are…” “Why doesn’t it read …and Alan, her husband?” “I’m sorry. What?” Mr. Unflappable is taken aback. “Why doesn’t it say …and Alan…” “I heard you, I just don’t quite understand. I mean, I’ve never, ever seen it written that way, and I’ve been practicing law for over thirty years.” “Well, can it?” “Can it what?” “Say…and Alan her husband.” “I, um, no. No it can’t.” “Why not?” “Because it never has before.” Emphatically. “Well, there always has to be a first time for something new doesn’t there?” “The law is different.” He is firm. “The law never changes? Never?” “Of course it changes, but it takes time. Nothing is changed in the matter of minute wording. And this, if I may say so, is a minute matter. It can not be changed.” “Why not? I have the right to own property and I want my name on the deed as a property owner. I think you can re-word it.” “But, Kristen, this document does say that you are a property owner, a co-owner, yes because you own it with Alan, but still a property owner. This is just the way it has to be stated by law.” We are getting nowhere fast. He knows it and I know it. I’m not budging. I want my entire name on that deed; I am on a mission. I don’t say anything for a few minutes and David and Mark are misled by my silence. They think I’m giving in, accepting the “…and Kristen, his wife,” as wording that cannot be changed. Alan knows better. He knows I’m just plotting my next move. He’s had experience with that. “So, let me get this straight, David. You’re telling me the wording can’t be changed? It has to state, …and Kristen, his wife? That it’s written in stone?” There is a glimmer in David’s eye as if he sees a chink of light in the dark abyss of my reasoning. He smells the faint whiff of victory. Mark starts to speak and David touches his arm to silence him. Cool Mr. Unflappable goes in for the kill. Alan, meanwhile, takes out his cell phone to call work and tell them he’s liable to be at the lawyer’s office a lot longer than anticipated. “You see, Kristen,” David begins, speaking to me as if I were six years old, “the law is, well, the law. The deed is stated this way because, in the past, most women didn’t work, outside the home that is, and the men were responsible for paying the mortgages. So, in essence, the wording was protective of the woman making it known that the man was charged with taking care of his wife, that she was his precious, um, his precious….” “Possession?” “Oh no! Certainly not a possession, more of a precious… commodity, so to speak. You understand.” I do not. I change tactics. “Let’s say that I wasn’t married and was going to buy a piece of property by myself. What name would be written on the deed as owner?” “It would read, ‘ “owned by Kristen Houghton.”’ “And if I was divorced and chose to use my last name of Hopper?” “Then it would read, ‘ “ owned by Kristen Hopper.”’ “Okay.” “Okay, what?” “Then we don’t have a problem.” “You’ve lost me here, Kristen. Exactly what problem don’t we have?” I see a glimmer of sweat on Mr. Unflappable’s upper lip. “Okay, David. If I were the only one who was purchasing the property, then my entire name, first and last, would be on the document. Are you with me so far?” “I am.” “So,” I take a deep breath, “then I do not see why, simply because I’m purchasing a property with my husband Alan here, the deed cannot have both our entire names on it.” “But it does!” Mr. Unflappable is really sweating now. “No, it doesn’t.” I rise from the cushy leather chair at the table. I am ready to go home. We’re at an impasse. No one speaks. David discreetly mops his forehead and Mark doodles on his legal pad. Just when it looks as if no one will concede one way or the other, Alan, who has been seriously quiet, steps in with what I will later call a brilliant maneuver. “Listen David, Mark. If we weren’t married, and, let’s say we were buying a piece of property together, how would the document read? If we were just two friends who wanted to own the property jointly and equally.” “Well, if you two were not married,” David looks at us as if he were wishing that were the case, “then it would have both your names on it, but I still don’t understand….” “Would that be something like Alan plus Last Name and Kristen plus Last Name?” “Yes.” David delicately wipes the sweat from his upper lip. “Well okay then David. My lovely asset, my charming possession, my wife and I would like the same courtesy extended to her, to us, as you would to two friends buying a piece of property together.” David is pondering all this, but Mark speaks up. He seems relieved that someone came up with a viable alternative. “How would you like it worded, Alan, Kristen?” I let Alan handle this one. “Word it,” he says, ‘ “owned by Alan Hopper and Kristen Hopper, husband and wife.”’ “Husband and wife?” says David. “Hmmm, I assume we could have it worded that way. It is legally acceptable. Mark, get my secretary. Ask her to bring a new deed to my office.” David has recovered and taken over. When Mark and David go into the inner office to make the change, I ask Alan in a whisper just how his name happened to come first. “How is it you get top billing?” “Because, my lovely asset, alphabetically, “A” comes before “K.” Is that okay?" Well...okay, as long as you put it that way. Home Page Meet Kristen Book Information Articles Media and Links Calendar Publicity Photos Contact Info |
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